living life each day...

that's just it!!
a friend of mine sent me an interesting e'mail today.
it's about a boy who was sick. he knew he would die sooner or later but he was determined to live his life as intensely as he could.
one day he entered a cd store. when he looked at the girl who was working there, he tought she was the most beautifull girl he'd ever seen!! he grabed a cd and asked her if she could pack it. she smiled and said yes.
when he got home he tought 1001 ways of asking her out. everyday he went to the store to talk with her but he always lost courage in the last minute. to disguise he used to bought cds! one day he left a note with his phone number, in the store. she saw the note and decided to make a phonecall and ask him out. in the next day she grabed the note and dialed the number. an older woman answered the phonecall.
"hello. who's talking?
-well... i.. am i calling to gabe's house?
-yes, you are.
-could you call him? i'd like to talk with him.
-i'm sorry to tell you this but he died yesterday.
-what?! what happened?
-he was sick for a long time ago. he's better now!
-i'm so sorry.
she hanged up the phone and started to cry! it was too late...

well, i've changed a few things cos i don't quite remember the real story, but i guess you got the point!
if you really want to do something, do it before it's too late!!
live your life intensely. you don't know when it's gona end up...

being depressed, sad or even crying for someone is not the better way of facing life...
live life before she ends up with you!
just one more thing: the story i told you really happened!!

ciao*** i'm out of here to taste a litlle bit of life!!

talking about sex...

well, i'm sure you all realized that in a conversation between friends is usual end up talking about sex!!
imagine this: you're with some friends and there are no topics for an interesting conversation. sudenlly someone gives the idea: let's talk about sex, and... voilá! you have a topic that can last hours and hours!
that happened to me and two friends last monday. we related some of our personal experiencies and confessed some strange desires!! (strange to our society. to me they are perfectly normal!!).
to those who don't know my well, i love talking about sex (i love everything related to sex, but thats another story!!) and i'm not ashamed at all!
fuck it...
anyway, let me tell you what a fuck i've been doing these last days... nothing!! that's it. i still don't have a job. but this will change in a few days.
well... i don't remember anything else to talk about (let's talk about sex?).
i write something more soon***
ciao

SHIT!!!

i'm still thinking about something that hapenned a few days ago, so i have to writte it!! the ones who don't give a fuck about pets can stop reading right here.
my dog nearly died. he almost suffocate with is own leash.
he's only 11 months old, but he's one of my best friends.
i couldn't stand if he died
i wasn't home by the time it happened. my brother and my father saved him from a cruel death. (and i was stupid enough to remain quiet, instead of saying a simple "thank you"!!).
next morning my mother woke me up and told me what happened. i dressed up really fast and i went to see him. when i realized he was okay i huged him and i started to cry!!
but now he's okay and totally hallucinated!!
Morgan, you're the best!!!

i look back...

hello again.
what's up? are you feeling happy today? are you in a good mood?
i am...
this has been a good day. i received a phonecall from a friend i haven't seen for a long time. i received an e'mail from a guy who has got a horse riding school. he asked me if i was interested about doing a project with him. i'm now waiting for a phonecall from him.
yesterday i've been with some friends. i really love that place and almost all the people...
i've been kind of "happy" these last days. but strangely it's not a fake happiness. i feel like i'm in peace...
i think about somethings that hapenned to me days ago, weeks ago, months...
it all seems so distant now!!
why think about bad stuff? i try to remember only the goods things, cool memories...
since i've stoped thinking about the litlle details that used to bore me, i'm so much calm.
i'll write some more tomorrow!
ciao to you all***

just one more thing...

i couldn't leave without saying this!
life goes on, either you want it or not!
i'm about to go to lisbon spend some time at my grandmothers house, wich is near from Costa da Caparica. but i will go only if i still haven't got a job!
the sun, the nights... irresistible!!
i'll write something later!!
ciao***

you want to explore an abandoned house?

i'm sure your perverted minds are already taking some nasty conclusions. it's not what you're thinking!!
let me start by the begining.
a few days ago i've talked with some friends and one of them asked me if i enjoyed exploring old and abandoned houses. i said yes of course!! i really love it, althought, i'm always scared when i'm inside the house.
so we met in Torres Novas and we went to see the house.
the house used to be a school but it's been closed for about 10 years. it has got big halls, broken stairs, classrooms with yet written blackboards (i felt strange shivers by this time!!). you should see it!! the most part of the house is empty, with some broken glasses in the floor and lots of dust everywhere!! it has got also a big garden in the back with some swings. the house is fucking creepy. i went there once on a school visit and i remembered the house just the way it was. it was kind of weird to see it empty and without any children running trough the halls...
i was just a litlle bit scared, but i want to go back there.
theres something else i would like to say. (it has got nothing to do with the house!)
how do you deal with someone you know it's different from you in a certain way? i don't even think about it. what matters to me is the friendship.
sometimes i enjoy talking with my mother and my grandmother because we belong to different generations and have different ideas about somethings (almost everything)!
we talk often about homosexuality and bisexuality. my grandmother doesn't understand how can a man go to bed with another man, or a woman get married with another woman and after that adopt a child!!
my mother is in the midlle, she understands what i'm trying to say and understands my grammas ideas. she is some kind of translater between us!! i have open mind and to me what was strange was the fact that 50 years ago girls used to get married at 17 and had to do what theirs husbands told them to!! (i know this still happens some places!!)
it makes me sick when i meet someone who says to be totally against homosexuality!! are we in the stone age yet?? no? i guess we are!
c'mon!! the next one can be your son or your daughter. it's normal, so why do we make so much noise about it??!!
a strange and kind of difficult situation hapenned to a friend of mine. he wrote it in his blog and i read it. when i understood what happened i got really angry with those motherfuckers i don't even know!!
they tought he was making a joke. A joke??!! who would make a joke about that? okay, many people, but not normal and open minded people!
when i meet someone who claims to be "manly" or "a good piece of man" i immediatlly start thinking:" this guy must have something to hide; with this kind of attitude!!".
anyway, we are free to do whatever we want, so let's all say out loud:" I AM WHAT I AM, IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOU CAN GO KISS YOUR OWN ASS!!!
be what you are. be even better than that. you'll feel much happier!!
i'll be what i am, even if i haven't discovered it yet!!
have a nice day...
ciao***

who i am, what i feel? are you sure you want to know?!

i want to say this the best way i can!
first of all, this blog is mine. i write everything i want and it doesn't mean i'm doing some publicity! i mean, you can criticize me but i only pay attention when i'm criticised by those i consider friends, or people i like. otherwise, i won't give a damn to empty criticism!!!
when i first started writting this blog i used to think something like: "oh no! i better not write this. what will my friends or the people who read my blog say?!"
now i don't give a fuck!!
so here it goes. watch out! it might hurt someone...
to my last official ex-boyfriend: i won't ask you out for a coffee or to talk and be your friend if you keep on thinking i want another relationship with you!! i don't! put that on your mind... or writte it in your forehead!
theres something else i want to understant before i write about it. i'll tell you later!
-why do i keep on talking with people that i'm fuckin' sure i can't trust them? there's a girl who pretends to be my friend. she is too much nice to me and that kind of attitude makes me doubt. maybe she is a good person after all but she keeps on making me feel worst than shit!! so lately, i've been avoiding to talk with her!!
-a certain someone is about to come back next weekend. to be with friends he left back and to give a concert. i will probably be a litlle bit more distant from him, that i used to be before... i consider him a friend. not my best friend, not a good friend. just a friend! someone i knew, or not!
i haven't had the time, courage and sense of touch to know him well!!
-this one goes to one of my best friends that recently started a new relationship with his ex-girlfriend. let me tell you something. she will make a clown of you, just like before. do you think something has changed? you're wrong. she doesn't deserve you. another thing, don't leave your friends behind. you will need them more soon than you imagine!!
here goes a warning to a certain couple i had the pleasure to meet, and especially to the female part of the relationship. stop looking at me as if i'm some kind of slut who want's to fuck with your boyfriend. my opinion? he's a good person but he's nothing more than a stupid and spoiled litlle kid!! you can keep him for yourself...
-to all the people i know: why aren't you a litlle bit more crazy? sometimes i feel like i'm all alone in my crazyness!
i would like to thank to all of my REAL friends. the ones who understand me, help me when i need and know how to criticise me. the ones who show up with a beautifull fake smile can go to hell at this right moment!!
i'm about to change a lot of stuff in myself. not only the outside... just wait and see!
there are a lot of things i would like to do, but for some stupid (or not) reason, i don't do it!
this might shock some of the people that don't know me well, but as i said, this is my blog! it's like somekind of diary...
i would like to take part in a bisexual orgy. what's the problem?!!
here comes another idea... to the people who usually think that for some reason are way beter than the other i have the pleasure to introduce you mr. BIG FUCK YOU!!! you are worst than shit and you don't know it yet! your time will come, don't worry!!
to one of my greatest friends, pedro santos who lives in cartaxo. i miss so much!!! we have to meet one of these days.
all the people i knew and for some reason i left behind, i remember about them often. Ruben, from lisbon, all the crazy dudes from my class in Mouriscas., Alex, also from lisbon. (where the fuck are you my friend?? what's hapenning??!! i think about you lots of times...) remember those nights we used to spend in the bathroom, talking about everything?
tears roll down my face as i think about all the things we've been trough. you used to be a good friend. i'm sorry i was too young and i hadn't enough maturity to understand you!!
i have other friends now, and i know i'll have many more. but there are a few people i will never forget.
as i said before, i've changed a lot trough all these last years. i'm about to change again...
i feel something inside me, moving, ripping me, begging me to come out!! i really need some changes.
well, i'm a litlle bit sleepy now!! i have to go!
i'll be back***
ciao***