closed doors...where the fuck is the window?!!

hello everybody!what's up?
have you fucked up your litlle insignificant life?
have you hurt someone lately?
have you done the same fuckin' mistakes over and over again?
well, i did! i won't bug you with the details...
i was already dreaming about going to work in another country.
i was going to do some horse riding in a farm, and help the guys in jumping contests. but i got a phone call and now i'm in somekind of stand-by!
i consider this a closed door. but i'll be waiting for an answer.
well, i've hurt someone a few days ago. i don't want any kind of serious relationships!! (i look like someone i know!!). i want to have fun, meet some interesting people, have some interesting conversations, grab my bag, some clothes and money and go out for a journey around the country!! i want to do all this, but i know i have more important things to do. and i'm leaving them behind!about those mistakes... i feel like i'm going back to something i felt sometime ago... i don't want to but how can i control it?!
i need a few days away from here, maybe a few months...
well, i have to go now! i'll be here soon...

p.s.: my personal flame is a litlle bit trembling today....

you know something?

well, i've found out something about me! i can sing in front of people that i don't really know!! i wonder if this means i can sing in public?
i was with some friends in a bar named "Ribas". they were doing a jam session. they invited me to sing with them. at first i was ashamed! but they insisted! so i started singing guns n' roses. "Sweet child of mine". my voice was trembling like hell at the begining. but it got better a few minutes later! i sang songs from janis joplin, eric clapton, eagles, nirvana, queen! the guys in the bar asked me if i was considering the idea of forming a band. i said yes. he told me i had a beautyfull and powerfull voice, and i shouldn't stop singing!!
a new and interesting opportunity has come into my way. a singing course! it will be in the last week of this month. this will be the first time i'll have singing lessons.
apart from this crazy ideas, i'm still writting my book. the story is becoming interesting and strange at the same time.
with luck, the book will be finished in the end of the summer!
lots of crazy ideas have been running trough my mind these last days!
don't worry about me.
i'll be back soon as i can!
ciao
keep the fuckin' flame alive!!!

back again!

hi everyboby! well, it's been a long time since my last posting! let me se... nineteen days without posting!! not bad, considering my sate of mind!
i've realized that i've been giving too much importance to somethings that are not worth it!
i've got a lot of stuff in my mind, just pissing me off! i have to make a total cleaning!!!
well, let's start at the begining. theres one person who is getting out of my mind, a litlle bit each day! doesn't mean i don't consider that person a friend. weel, you understand me, don't you?!
i've realized i will not finish all things in the school where i've studied for three long years.
so, heres the deal, i'll wait for next year to finish them. Meanwhile, i'll be in lisbon studying in a course. that course will alow me to work with a veterinary or in a clinic, as an assistent. it will last six months! i'll be staying at my grandmother's house. i'll have some time to organize my mind!
and i have some friends who live there! i believe it will be great to be there!!
i'm still thinking about publishing the creepy stuff i've been writting! those strange things wich i dare to name as "poems"! and i'm also writting a book! please, don't ask what it's about! the only thing i say is that the main character will be someone who looks a lot like me. but it's not me!!!
there's something else. i wanted to thank to all of my friends who encouraged me to sing, and told me i had a good voice. thanks to you people, i finally have the guts to form a band! there are two members only, me and an other vocalist! someone interested?
i've been in tomar yesterday. we were talking about music we enjoy listening. i started singing just to exemplify. it was kind of weird because they were quiet, just listening to me!
well, i've been making some plans for summer! festivals, concerts, a journey trough the country. running away from home i also a good choice! just kiding, or maybe not!
well, i have to go now.
i'll be back***